Normalcy

Each period of respite that follows a intense marathon of study brings with it a certain restlessness, laden with more anxiety than the one preceding. It is, at best, irritating and at worst, suffocating. Like a drug-induced state of formication (note the m rather than the n in the previous word) it is unresolvable, persistent, and unbearable. As if normal life has become phenomenon rather than baseline. The mundane - esoteric and intensely disconcerting.

I make of it best I can, telling myself, nearly obsessively, that there need be no reason for guilt. That this hiatus is well-deserved and necessary. (Though playing dual roles as both pathetic defendant and cynical jury proves to be somewhat of a challenge.)

But I have manged to distract myself today from these neuroses. A lovely 6 mile run with the sister, in which we trespassed into the idyllic corporate park of Hubbell. Began reading electroman's copy of What's the Matter with Kansas (having my father wonder of this sudden interest in American politics). And picking up the third movement of Bach's Italian Concerto, for the 5th time (maybe this time I will learn it in its entirety).

It felt like summer vacation -- strangely anachronistic, albeit beautiful. I run the risk of becoming addicted.