Needs vacation.
One tends to think that things have a way of tapering down; that the way this subinternship month for me would end would be much the way it began -- a slow to medium paced chain of events, all of which lead to a happy conclusion.
But Of course, no.
Over the last 48 hours, I spent 4 hours with a patient going into and out of a seizure, during which time I found myself in negotiation with the interventional radiologist, who informed me that another patient is now on the OR table, but cannot be done because her PMD is an idiot who has no idea how to reverse anticoagulation, preprocedure, followed by the next day, in which two patients were bounced back to me, who, conveniently, both developed fevers and thus required the full fever workup, one of which is so cachectic 3 IV nurses failed to insert a line in him, the other so demented that he jerked his arm each time I stuck him, causing me to pop three veins, leaving me to constantly run back to the poorly stocked utility room where a fucking syringe is NO where to be found. And of course, this order needs cosignature, that order was lost, that order needs to be renewed, you need to add these labs, these orders are written wrong, we don't carry that drug. And then the demented patient's wife yelling at me because he was not given lunch.
Yesterday, at approximately 3 PM, I decided in favor of law school.
What frustrates me is the constant paperwork, which is not a big deal except that they need to be written in such a way, be cosigned; you need to call or tell who ever it is the paper's going to to actually do what it says, or they play the "i didn't get it" game, expecially when faxing is involved, and when it doesn't happen you have to run down and personally send it yourself, all of which involves running up and down the stairs, because the elevators have a mind of their own, and because the hospital is in the cro-magnon stage of computers in which, unlike any hospital I have worked in so far, orders need to be hand delivered and signed, rather than being inputted into the computer.
All this leads up to the fact that there is really no way to keep on top of things. You start to accomplish one task and can't even think straight because you're so anxious to get it done quickly before the next page comes, so that when the next page does come, you would have accomplished nothing.
And this is when you start being murderous. Those stupid family members that flag you and demand answers, even though the decisions weren't even made by you. The nurses who demand things be done now, because they, too are busy and do not personally care if you are running ragged (welcome to their world, darling). The stuid, slow-walking service people who hog up the elevaters to go from floor 3 to 1 (because their fatness precludes the possibility that they sustained any excercise in the past 3 decades.) The people that put you on hold AFTER you answer their page 5 seconds later, because for some reason they can't wait that long by the phone, that they are now wasting your time. All the while you have to smile smile smile, like none of this is bothering you, and your world is just peachy.
But this teaches me one thing this month. That to begin this profession is harder than I ever thought imaginable. That I still have mountains to learn. That there will be more nervous breakdowns and doubts and fears and anger like I've never known.
But moreover, that I can do this. And maybe one day I'll actually like it.
But Of course, no.
Over the last 48 hours, I spent 4 hours with a patient going into and out of a seizure, during which time I found myself in negotiation with the interventional radiologist, who informed me that another patient is now on the OR table, but cannot be done because her PMD is an idiot who has no idea how to reverse anticoagulation, preprocedure, followed by the next day, in which two patients were bounced back to me, who, conveniently, both developed fevers and thus required the full fever workup, one of which is so cachectic 3 IV nurses failed to insert a line in him, the other so demented that he jerked his arm each time I stuck him, causing me to pop three veins, leaving me to constantly run back to the poorly stocked utility room where a fucking syringe is NO where to be found. And of course, this order needs cosignature, that order was lost, that order needs to be renewed, you need to add these labs, these orders are written wrong, we don't carry that drug. And then the demented patient's wife yelling at me because he was not given lunch.
Yesterday, at approximately 3 PM, I decided in favor of law school.
What frustrates me is the constant paperwork, which is not a big deal except that they need to be written in such a way, be cosigned; you need to call or tell who ever it is the paper's going to to actually do what it says, or they play the "i didn't get it" game, expecially when faxing is involved, and when it doesn't happen you have to run down and personally send it yourself, all of which involves running up and down the stairs, because the elevators have a mind of their own, and because the hospital is in the cro-magnon stage of computers in which, unlike any hospital I have worked in so far, orders need to be hand delivered and signed, rather than being inputted into the computer.
All this leads up to the fact that there is really no way to keep on top of things. You start to accomplish one task and can't even think straight because you're so anxious to get it done quickly before the next page comes, so that when the next page does come, you would have accomplished nothing.
And this is when you start being murderous. Those stupid family members that flag you and demand answers, even though the decisions weren't even made by you. The nurses who demand things be done now, because they, too are busy and do not personally care if you are running ragged (welcome to their world, darling). The stuid, slow-walking service people who hog up the elevaters to go from floor 3 to 1 (because their fatness precludes the possibility that they sustained any excercise in the past 3 decades.) The people that put you on hold AFTER you answer their page 5 seconds later, because for some reason they can't wait that long by the phone, that they are now wasting your time. All the while you have to smile smile smile, like none of this is bothering you, and your world is just peachy.
But this teaches me one thing this month. That to begin this profession is harder than I ever thought imaginable. That I still have mountains to learn. That there will be more nervous breakdowns and doubts and fears and anger like I've never known.
But moreover, that I can do this. And maybe one day I'll actually like it.
posted by Maureen @ 1:39 AM
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