3 more days

Vicious
Originally uploaded by Daisy72580.

This is like the classical case presentation of kidney stones - a young patient (usually male) complains of blood in his urine and sudden back pain radiating to the groin -- he cannot get into a comfortable position and is writhing in pain. 3 days before the 2nd biggest exam of my life I don't know what to do with myself. I can't study well because the words are just flying over my head, and I throw a fit whenever I get a question wrong. It becomes traumatizing to keep doing these practice tests at this juncture. I can't relax because - hell, the test is in 3 days. I can't sleep, I am loaded on caffeine, I have intermittent subclinical panic attacks; every small thing irritates me. I just can't get comfortable, no matter what I do.

I am not one to get nervous over tests. And nor am I one who usually does unexpectedly poorly. Logically, there is no reason to worry. But this is where my neuroses come into play. This daisychain of what-ifs. What if I fail, don't get matched, and end up scrubbing floors in the hospitals intead. What about my loans? What if I have to sell my body to get rid of them? (Is the Bunny Ranch hiring?) What if I end up having to practice medicine in Wisconsin. What if my nerves kick me into PSVTs during the exam and I have to retake it? And why the hell can't I ever get those antibiotics right? Damn penicillin resistance. I never get those pneumonia questions right.

Bottom line. I don't know what to do with myself. Please someone shoot me up with some Ativan (or maybe pot) before I drive myself crazy.