Homesick.

I am really starting to think it's all in my head. This inferiority complex. I can't help thinking that were my name tag labeled "Yale medical student" that I would be able to interact with people with more confidence here. It has been 2 1/2 weeks, and I must say this is the first time in my third/fourth year medical school career that I really do not feel like I belong. Partly because this is the first time on consult service (i.e. give a lot of advice, carrying out none of the orders) which in theory sounds pretty relaxed, but in actuality makes you feel pretty useless. I love it when I write in my consult note "c/w current care," meaning I have nothing more to add, and in fact, yes, I am pretty useless -- and even MORE so, since I'm just a temporary student here at Yale, from a medical school most of you probably put on backup, and didn't even bother going on interview.

I am literally counting the days I go back to Westchester, and eventually back to the City, knowing now, with unequivocal assurance, that I belong in NY, even if I do end up (somehow) in a program in which everyone thinks they are better than me (and are probably correct), because at least I can run off my troubles under the twilight of Central Park. Ahh. Bliss.